ASHLEIGH BRILLIANT

Speaks to the Faculty and Staff

of the Business, Healthcare & Workforce Division of

Linn-Benton Community College, Albany, Oregon

September 13, 2011

 

OPENING POT-SHOT  #0084:     IT’S TIME FOR US TO MAKE SOME BIG CHANGES – WHY DON’T YOU CHANGE FIRST?

 

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thank you for having me here today.  I have been invited to speak to you on the subject of CHANGE, especially the changes you are going through, or being promised, or being threatened with, here in your jobs at Linn-Benton College, and in your lives generally.  I’ll be accompanying my remarks with some of the illustrated epigrams which constitute my principal claim to fame, and which I’ve been trying to make a living out of since far back in the last millennium.

 

But first I must tell you that even before I got here, this whole situation has been changing in my mind.  For example, I have to admit that although I once lived in Oregon for the better part of a year – or maybe I should say the worst part of a year, for reasons we will get to eventually – I had never heard of Linn-Benton College.  When I did finally hear that name just recently, I thought it must be the name of some rich woman, who probably gave a ton of money on condition they name the school after her.

 

But the truth is – as I’m sure you all know, and as I had to spend precious nano-seconds online to find out – that your College is named for two Oregon Counties, which in turn were named for two men – Lewis F. Linn and Thomas Hart Benton – who both happened to be Senators, not from Oregon, but from Missouri.  At that time, back in the 1850’s, Missouri wasn’t yet known as the “Show Me” State, but I understand that this College has a nickname of its own.  You’ve chosen to call yourselves the Roadrunners, which I suppose means that unlike people from Missouri, you don’t just sit there waiting for someone to show you – you run up the road to find out.

 

But then, I also had to deal with another confusing fact -- that when it comes to architecture, most of your buildings here at Linn-Benton are described as being in the style called “Brutalist.”  You may or may not know, or even care, that this term was coined in 1953, from the French béton brut, meaning "raw concrete.”  But, considering what I’m here to talk about today, it really took me aback.  Couldn’t your architects have chosen something a little kinder and gentler than Brutalism?  On the other hand, maybe this is a good reminder that change can be brutal and unfeeling.  Or to put it another way:

 

POT-SHOT  #1208:   EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD STAY THE SAME IS CHANGING, AND EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD CHANGE IS STAYING THE SAME.

 

But WE – you and I -- are always the ones who are supposed to change, aren’t we?  In which case we find ourselves asking this question:

 

POT-SHOT #3204:  HOW MUCH MUST I CHANGE TO SATISFY YOU  -- AND WOULD ANYTHING BE LEFT OF THE ORIGINAL ME?

 

Well, just what is this change, brutal or benign, that’s going on here?  It’s all laid out in a letter I’ve been sent a copy of, which your President, Greg Hamann, wrote just 12 days ago.  It’s a letter about his vision, and it focuses on something called 40-40-20, which at first I thought must be some kind of new optical prescription, perhaps for a person with 3 eyes.  But no, it’s a goal which you’re all being asked to focus on.  The target date is 2025, and by then, according to this formula, everybody in Oregon should have some kind of degree or diploma, so that you can all impress each other with how well-educated you all are.  It’s a worthy goal, I suppose.  But the President’s letter is sprinkled with buzz-words like “Access,” and “Success” and “Completion.”  Of course College Presidents always have to be good salesmen, but I gather there’s going to be a big change of emphasis around here, which may be very welcome to some of you, but scary and mysterious to others. 

 

I was also confused by the name of your Division: “The Business, Healthcare, and Workforce Division.”  I could figure out “Business” and “Healthcare.”  They were pretty familiar kinds of Department names to me.  But what on earth did “Workforce” mean?  Did it have something to do with forcing people to work?  Is that part of the brutality?  And in any case, why were these three Departments put together?  Is there something they have in common, or were they just orphans that no other Division wanted?

 

Anyway, here are some messages for each of your Departments about Change – too much change, or too little, as the case may be:

 

For the Business Department:

 

POT-SHOT #0395     CHEER UP!  THINGS MAY BE GETTING WORSE AT A SLOWER RATE.

 

POT-SHOT #4677     WHY ARE LITTLE GENTLE CHANGES NEARLY ALWAYS PREFERABLE TO BIG SUDDEN ONES?

 

For the Healthcare people:

 

POT-SHOT #0595     PLEASE DON’T TELL ME TO RELAX – IT’S ONLY MY TENSION THAT’S HOLDING ME TOGETHER.

 

POT-SHOT #1663      THE LAST TIME I FELT GOOD WAS AT 10 A.M. – ABOUT NINE YEARS AGO.

 

 

And finally for the no doubt overworked Workforce Department:

 

POT-SHOT #0416      IF I DIDN’T HAVE TO WORK SO HARD, I’D HAVE MORE TIME TO BE DEPRESSED.

 

POT-SHOT #5712      WHY SHOULD I CHANGE WITH THE TIMES, WHEN THE TIMES ARE OBVIOUSLY WRONG?

 

So here I am as your Change Consultant -- and at this point you might well ask just what are my qualifications for this important, if rather temporary, position?   If you’re wondering about my name, yes, Brilliant is my real name.  I was born into a whole family named Brilliant in London, England, some 77 years ago.  But we all know that names don’t necessarily have anything to do with success in life.  How would you like to have been born with a name like Gary Sick or George Meany or Noel Coward?  But they all managed to do pretty well, didn’t they?  And let’s not forget about the poetically minded couple named Rose who had a baby girl, and thought they would give her the advantage of a beautiful name, so they named her “Wild,” making her a “Wild Rose.”  But then she grew up, and married a man named Bull!

 

Still, even with a very advantageous name, I myself did face an early life full of problems.  As a child I had to deal with a whole series of brutal changes connected in some way with a historical episode called the Second World War.  (Apparently there had been a previous one, no less brutal, called the First World War, but I was born just in time to catch the second one in the series.)  It began when I was 5 years old, and it went on and on, until I was 12, giving me the impression that a world of nasty changes was the normal condition of things. 

 

During those seven years, without my wishes ever once being consulted, I was taken from my home in England, first to my mother’s home town of Toronto, Canada for 2 years, then for 5 years to Washington D.C. (where my father had a British Government wartime position, and we were able to comfortably sit out the rest of the war.) But then finally, when the war was over, I was plucked out of the middle of the 8th grade, and dragged back to England again – a country where, after all those years over here, I never really felt I belonged.  Nevertheless, I somehow made my way up through the British school and college system.  But soon after getting a History degree at the University of London, I came back on my own to this country as an immigrant, and I’ve been here ever since, mostly in California, except for a couple of sweet, sad, strange semesters in Bend, Oregon, about which more anon.

 

In California I went through more changes, and actually found myself studying, of all things, Education.  But what good did any of those Education courses do me? One of the few things that have stuck in my mind was that somebody once defined the ideal education as “Mark Hopkins on one end of a log, and a student on the other.”  I didn’t know much about Mark Hopkins then – and I still don’t – but I’ve always liked that idea that the basic thing about Education is, or ought to be, the one-on-one relationship between teacher and student. 

All the elaborate apparatus -- of buildings (Brutal or otherwise), courses, and degrees, are just icing on the cake, or, if you like, pie in the sky.  Speaking of which, allow me to share this thought with you about the intimate connection between food and learning, and a couple of others about change in education:

 

POT-SHOT 1648  _IF CHOCOLATE COULD TEACH, I WOULD BY NOW BE VERY WELL EDUCATED.

 

POT-SHOT #6508    WARNING:  EDUCATION COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

 

POT-SHOT #2127    TODAY’S CHILDREN ARE REQUIRED TO LEARN WHAT MOST PEOPLE IN FORMER TIMES WERE FORBIDDEN TO KNOW.

 

But apart from that idea of teacher and student sitting together on a log, the one thing I learned from all my Education courses which seemed to me most valuable at the time was how to operate a movie projector.  Of course those kinds of machines have now gone the way of the dinosaurs.  But I must tell you about that particular learning experience because it provided me with one of the few opportunities I have ever had in my life to be a HERO.  It happened like this:   

 

We Education students, in order to complete the required course in what was called Audio-Visual Education, had to demonstrate our newly-acquired skill by going to some other class on the campus and operating their Bell and Howell film projector for them.  We were not told in advance what class we would be sent to, or what movie we would be showing.  Well, what do you think my assignment turned out to be! -- a class in Nursing, and their movie treat was a very graphic depiction of a Caesarian birth delivery, in glorious Technicolor. 

 

Up to that point, I had led a rather sheltered life, and I had never seen anything like this before.  Once I got the film started, I was both fascinated and, frankly, horrified.  I remember beginning to feel a little unwell… and then, the next thing I knew, I was somehow lying on my back on the floor and staring at the ceiling.  Someone had turned off the projector beside me, and switched the lights back on, and a bevy of student nurses was crowded around me, eagerly loosening my clothing, and fighting each other for a chance to give me first aid.  You guessed it.  To my acute embarrassment, for the first time in my life, I had fainted!

 

But here is where the heroism came in.  I had a duty to perform!  Staggering to my feet, and stoutly resisting all offers of further assistance, I commanded that the lights again be dimmed, and I gallantly insisted on resuming my role as projectionist.  The show went on.  I did not faint again, and I even managed to take occasional peeks at the screen.  The great causes of Education and of Healthcare had been served.  I actually passed that course with an A, instead of possibly getting an F for fainting.  And I went on to an inglorious but mercifully brief career teaching English at Hollywood High School in Los Angeles.

 

Well, I followed up that particular educational misadventure with a Ph.D. in History at Berkeley -- from which in some ways I am also still recovering – and, for a short time, I went into college teaching.  But not long after starting out, I had the misfortune of getting what was for me the ideal teaching job – only it came too early in my career.  I somehow was lucky enough to land a position teaching History and Geography on board what was called a “floating University,” sailing twice around the world, each time for 3 ½ months, on board a converted cruise ship.  It’s a program which is still operating today, and is now known as “Semester At Sea.”  Here are a few thoughts about what we learn when we travel:

 

POT-SHOT #1377   I HAVE TRAVELED WIDELY, AND HAVE LEARNED TO COUGH AND SNEEZE IN MANY DIFFERENT LANGUAGES..

 

POT-SHOT #2105     ALL THE CUSTOMS OFFICIALS ARE ON STRIKE – PASSENGERS WILL HAVE TO INSPECT THEIR OWN BAGGAGE.

 

POT-SHOT #7137     THE BEST THING ABOUT VISITING CERTAIN PLACES IS THE PLEASURE AND RELIEF OF LEAVING THEM.

 

Yes, I had always dreamed of combining travel with education, so this was indeed the perfect job for me. The trouble was, you couldn’t go round and round the world forever – but where else was there to go?  It spoiled me for any other kind of teaching – so I had to find a new career.

 

This particular big change in my life happened to occur in the late 1960’s, at a time when the so-called Hippie Era was in full flower in San Francisco.  For better or worse, I got involved in that spectacular chapter of social upheaval, and I did indeed emerge with a new career.  I became a professional thinker.  Of course there have always been thinkers around – but mine was a new way of presenting thoughts, as I hope you can already see. The old kinds of thinkers hung around ancient Greek marketplaces and corrupted the youth, or somewhat  later lectured at Medieval universities to students who were so ignorant they didn’t even realize that they were living in the Middle Ages.  Then finally, in the age of the printing press, they put their thoughts into books, and turned out massive unreadable tomes of philosophical speculations.  But I somehow hit on the idea – and this was decades before the advent of Twitter – that anything really worth saying could be said in a very few words.

 

So I started producing very brief insights, reciting them as a kind of one-line poetry, and circulating them on postcards.  By a self-imposed rule, they were never longer than 17 words.  But I also allowed myself the luxury of illustrating them, thus creating a whole new form of art and literature which I called “Pot-Shots” or “Brilliant Thoughts.”  [Did everybody get a postcard?]  Some of the very early ones are still popular today.  One said “NO, LIFE ISN’T WHAT I WANTED – HAVEN’T YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?”  Another one said “BEFORE WE MAKE LOVE, WOULD YOU MIND TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE?”

 

That all got started in 1967, and since then, I suppose like most of you, I have been through one or two other changes.  The most dramatic one happened just this year, when I spent 10 weeks in hospital after getting hit by a car back in January, while crossing a quiet and normally peaceful street near my home in Santa Barbara.   Unlike that teaching job on the floating university, which came too soon in my life, this accident really came too late to do me much good.  I had managed to survive to the age of 77, leading a physically quite active life, without any major trauma.  Now suddenly I found myself transformed into a shattered victim.  How do you play such a role and make a complete recovery when you’ve had no training for the part?  I’m still working on that.  You people in Healthcare probably know more about it than I do.

 

But speaking of “complete recoveries” reminds me of what is supposed to be another major theme of our gathering here today:  the complete education – and especially that part of it which can or should be provided by a community college.  This whole subject of completion and finishing is fascinating.  According to scripture, God completed the whole world in 6 days, and he was so satisfied that he took the next day off.   Here are a few of my own thoughts on this theme: 

 

POT-SHOT #5489   IT ALWAYS TAKES ME LONGER TO FINISH WHEN I’VE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING.

 

POT-SHOT #8363   IF MY LIFE IS A WORK OF ART, IT’S ONE WHICH I’M IN NO HURRY TO FINISH.

 

POT-SHOT #6392     DON’T GIVE ME ANYTHING ELSE TO MAKE A MESS OF, UNTIL I FINISH MAKING MY PRESENT MESS.

 

POT-SHOT #9040    GOD ALWAYS HAS THE LAST WORD – SO I CAN ONLY HOPE IT’S A GOOD WORD.

 

 This of course brings up the subject of famous last words.  One of my own favorites – and this is more or less a true story– are the last words of the Civil War Union General John Sedgwick.  What he is recorded as saying was:  “THEY COULDN’T HIT AN ELEPHANT AT THIS DIST----”

 

Then there are the famous last words of the British Statesman, William Pitt, the Younger.  You can find this in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations.  According to that eminent authority, there are several versions of what he said.  Some claimed that he said:  “My country!  How I love my country!”  A second version is “My country!  How I leave my country!”  Then some thought he just said “My country!  Oh, My Country!”  But there’s one more version, that what he really said was:  “I think I could eat one of Bellamy’s veal pies.”

 

Why do we keep coming back to food?  What I need to do is bring you back to COMPLETION.  And here I have to tell you that, when it comes to academic courses, I myself have always completed every course I ever started – with one exception.  At just about the time that Timothy Leary was telling everybody to “Turn on, tune in, and drop out,” I was dropping out of a course in what was then called “Data Processing” at San Francisco State College.  It wasn’t because of Leary’s advice, but simply because I couldn’t hack it.  I just wasn’t grasping what my fellow-students seemed to have no trouble with.  Of course, I needn’t have worried.  I already had a Ph.D. from Berkeley, and just days later I got that dream job on the floating campus.  But there was something about that “INCOMPLETE” which seemed so shameful to me that I literally had nightmares about it for many years afterwards.

 

But here are a few more positive thoughts on that same theme of completion:

 

POT-SHOT #8550   MY PART OF THE WORLD IS VERY SMALL, BUT WITHOUT IT, THE WORLD WOULD BE INCOMPLETE.

 

POT-SHOT # 2920_NO JOURNEY IS EVER COMPLETE UNTIL YOU COME HOME AGAIN, OR UNTIL SOME NEW PLACE BECOMES HOME.

 

POT-SHOT #5047:       DON’T START WHAT YOU CAN’T FINISH, UNLESS YOU’RE SURE IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU NEVER FINISH IT.

 

Of course I realize that, as a general rule you don’t want your students starting things they can’t finish.  But, as fair and rational thinkers, we do have to give INcompleteness its due.  We must acknowledge that there are many instances of great works which have never been finished, and some are actually celebrated for that very reason.  For example, there’s that famous unfinished novel by Charles Dickens called The Mystery of Edwin Drood.  Dickens may perhaps be forgiven for never finishing it, because he died, in 1870, when he was in the middle of writing it.  But the great composer Franz Schubert had no such excuse for leaving us with what we know as his Unfinished Symphony.  He wrote what he did compose of it, in 1822.  He finished two movements, and began the third.  Now symphonies were supposed to have 4 movements, and of course Schubert knew that.  But he never got to the 4th movement of that symphony, even though he lived another 6 years, and even though he wrote 2 more symphonies.  So it remains that acknowledged masterpiece, Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony.

 

Then there’s that other creative genius, Franz Kafka, who hardly ever finished anything, which is why he published very little during his lifetime.  When he died in 1924, sadly, of TB, at the age of just 41, he left behind a bunch of unfinished works, including all his famous novels. On his deathbed, he gave strict instructions to his friend Max Brod that all those works were to be burned unread.  But good old Max went ahead and published them anyway.

 

And of course, all those unfinished works, of Dickens, Schubert, and Kafka are considered public treasures today!

 

Of course I’m not the only great mind to have thought about all this.  Over a century ago, the English poet Christina Rossetti wrote:  Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes; work never begun.”

 

Incidentally, that Kafka story is one you should take to heart if you have any potentially embarrassing material, on paper or in any other forms, lying around.  There’s a version of Longfellow’s famous poem, “A Psalm of Life,” that puts it this way:

 

Lives of great men all remind us

Of a lesson we can learn,

We should never leave behind us

Letters that we ought to burn.

 

But all this, you will tell me, is irrelevant.  We don’t need further justifications for students to drop courses and fail to ever graduate.  We need to emphasize completion. 

And in fact, to help me prepare for this talk today, your Dean Malosh was kind enough to provide me with a document on this very issue.  No doubt most of you have already seen, or at least heard about, this report, and some of you are probably among the 20 people who are credited with writing it.  Those people were apparently given the task of defining “Completion” as it relates to your students and their college careers, and making recommendations for getting more of them to that point.

 

The title of the document is Completion Agenda Task Force Definition and Recommendations.   I have of course been studying it with great interest, and I must say that it has both intrigued and baffled me.  It has also contributed to my own education.  For example, on the first page, there’s a reference to an occupation I had never heard of before.  It talks about qualifications which you can help provide for certain occupations such as “Flagger, Wildland Firefighter, or Welder.”  I could understand about the Firefighter and the Welder needing your special training, but I’m ashamed to tell you I didn’t know what a FLAGGER was.  The word was not even in my Webster’s New World College Dictionary, Fourth Edition.  But finally, after some intensive research, I came to the conclusion that a Flagger is what we used to call a Flag-man, which the Dictionary does recognize, and describes as “a person whose work is signaling with a flag.” So this is just one more specimen of another big change in our society – the development of what we might call gender-speak – that noble attempt to equalize the sexes linguistically.

 

But I must admit that I also didn’t realize that a job like waving a flag to tell drivers to stop or slow down was one which required special certification.  I’ll have new respect now whenever I see one of these guys or gals at work. And I have an idea for a Flaggers’ Theme Song (if they don’t have one already.)  It’s an old song you may have learned at camp, but I’m sure you’ll agree it’s very appropriate in this context.  There are various versions, but the way I learned it, it was called “Bill Grogan’s Goat,” and the tune was one you may also know as “How Dry I Am.” 

 

Bill Grogan's goat was feeling fine.
Ate three red shirts, right off the line.

Bill took a stick, gave him a whack,
And tied him to the railroad track.

The whistle blew, the train grew nigh,
Bill Grogan's goat, was doomed to die.

He gave a moan of mortal pain,
Coughed up those shirts, and flagged the train.

 

So, as this song teaches us, if you are a flagger, you can help save lives – perhaps even your own.  But I must ask you to forgive me if I was a little surprised at the idea that you have to go to college to get that kind of job.  I’ve always had a tendency to put up red flags of my own where academic standards are concerned.  You can probably blame it on my British background. 

 

For example, back in the early 1960’s when I was still a fairly recent immigrant from England, and doing graduate work at Berkeley, that campus had just installed a set of indoor bowling alleys, and I was astonished to discover in the University catalog that by engaging in bowling, you could actually get credit towards graduation.  True, it was only half a unit per semester, but bowling to me seemed to be a mindless recreational pursuit, perfectly harmless, but hardly deserving of academic credit.  I wrote an indignant letter to the student newspaper saying that people enjoy bowling, not because of how much it requires of them, but how little.  This ignited a firestorm of controversy, with outraged bowlers furiously defending the value of their hallowed activity, which apparently nobody had ever questioned before. . .   But at this point, I have to be careful here.  For all I know, there may even be some passionate bowlers among us here today – so let me quickly pass on to some other problems I have had with this Completion Agenda document.

 

The most important part of the report is of course its list of Recommendations, which are sensibly ranked in order of Priority.  But believe it or not, the very first recommendation, the one accorded absolutely top priority, is another term that I couldn’t understand.  Once again, it wasn’t even in my Dictionary.  And I soon found that Mr. Webster and I were not alone in our bafflement.  Nobody I asked about it, including my local librarian, could tell me what it meant.  And even the omniscient Google seemed to have trouble pinning it down.  But since this report was, in effect, written by and for you people, I have to assume that you all know the meaning of the term.

 

What I’m talking about is the term “CULTURAL MARKERS.”  The top line of the list of Highest Priority Recommendations says “Review LBCC’s cultural markers”– and it goes on to stress that “All should reflect an emphasis on completion.”  I’m still not sure what “Cultural Markers” means, but I’ve now done enough research to hazard a guess that it might possibly be related to the term “CULTURAL LANDMARKS.”  I could be wrong about this, in which case everything I’m about to say is irrelevant – but if I’m right, this is a concept invented a few years ago by some professors at Beloit, a small college in Wisconsin – possibly when they were snowed in one winter, and had nothing better to do. 

 

To make matters more confusing, those Beloit brethren also use the term “MINDSET,” which apparently refers to the same idea.  It all has to do with changes, from one year or one generation to the next, in the way students see the world.  And these professors actually publish an annual “Beloit Mindset List” of about 70 items showing specific ways in which younger people, particularly incoming college freshmen, look at things differently from previous generations.   For example, in the current list, -- that is, the Beloit Mindset List for the Class of 2015 – these are some of the items:

.

There have nearly always been at least two women on the Supreme Court.  (In other words, they can’t even remember the time when the Supreme Court was an all-male body.)

Amazon has never been just a river in South America.  (Of course, before it was a river, it was a race of female warriors – but even the Beloit people apparently don’t care about that).

Refer to LBJ, and they might assume you're talking about LeBron James.

The only significant labor disputes in their lifetimes have been in major league sports.

Women have always commanded U.S. Navy ships.

The Communist Party has never been the official political party in Russia.

 

Here’s a Pot-Shot that seems very appropriate in this connection:

POT-SHOT #3501      WHEN YOU PLAN A JOURNEY FROM YOUR MIND INTO MINE, REMEMBER TO ALLOW FOR THE TIME DIFFERENCE.

 

Now this is all very interesting, but I’m still totally in the dark as to how any of it relates to that top listed priority of yours, about reviewing LBCC’s cultural markers and making sure  that they all reflect an emphasis on completion.

 

The rest of your completion agenda document, in similar fashion, seems to be trying to say something significant, but to me as an outsider, even with my 1957 M.A. in Education, it is full of incomprehensible jargon.  Here’s one example:  “Contextualize developmental ed classes – don’t use as stand-alones or prerequisites.”  Maybe you know what that’s all about, but quite frankly when someone begins a sentence with “contextualize,” my inclination is to call in a flagger to flag that person off the road.  And speaking of roads, there’s also a part, under Priority 6, about “gateway courses,” where you are urged to “make sure these courses…do not act as road blocks.”  Now I’m not at all sure what a “gateway course” is, but it would appear to me that any time a gateway becomes a road block, you are really in trouble!

 

And, since we’re talking about metaphorical roads you may at this point find some of these thoughts pertinent:

 

POT-SHOT #2524    WHEN YOU REACH THE END OF THE ROAD, THERE’S ONLY ONE THING TO DO – BUILD MORE ROAD.

 

POT-SHOT #3938     THERE PROBABABLY IS AN EASY ROAD TO SUCCESS – THE TROUBLE IS, IT’S VERY HARD TO FIND.

 

POT-SHOT# 6827     WHY IS THE ROAD TO PLEASURE SO OFTEN BLOCKED, WHILE THE ROAD TO PAIN REMAINS OPEN?

 

But this completion agendas, with its gateway courses, and contextualizations, are apparently all part of the changes you are facing, and change, as we say, can be brutal.  Maybe we should get down to basics.  You didn’t invite me here to lambaste documents put together by hard-working, well-meaning, and probably underappreciated committees.  What you want from me are some of my own special insights about CHANGE.  Well, I’ve given each of you a different one, and I hope you may find yours appropriate, but if not you can trade with somebody else.   But anyway, in order to be fair, we have to talk about the opposite concept – the things that don’t change.  There used to be a lot of them, or at least enough to satisfy most of us.  We as a species all had a pretty good idea of some simple eternal truths.  We all knew until recently that the Sun went around the Earth, that God was in his Heaven, and that a woman’s place was in the home.  Then someone came along and said that the only things you could really be sure of were death and taxes.  But in an age riddled with loopholes, taxes are no longer so inevitable, at least not if you have the right connections.  And with funerals going out of fashion and freezing becoming the new alternative, even death is no longer quite what it used to be.  So what certainties are we left with to cling to?  

 

You might tell me:

POT-SHOT #6200   THERE ARE NO CERTAINTIES – AND THAT’S CERTAIN.

 

Nevertheless, I can give you at least a couple of pretty sure things. (And I’d better warn you, this is where we get into some pretty deep topics).  The first unchanging certainty is one we owe to that insightful Frenchman Rene Descartes, who famously said “I think, therefore I am.” I don’t know about you, but I take that to mean that your own existence, so long as you are aware of it, is the one thing you can be sure of.  As a professional thinker, I’ve naturally had occasion to put in my own two cents’ worth on that topic, with thoughts like these:

 

POT-SHOT #3524     ON THE QUESTION OF WHETHER OR NOT I REALLY EXIST, I’M TAKING A WAIT-AND-SEE ATTITUDE.

 

POT-SHOT #5740    MY HEAD EXISTS ONLY IN THIS WORLD – YET THIS WORLD MAY EXIST ONLY IN MY HEAD.

 

POT-SHOT #6953    EXISTENCE IS A VERY STRANGE THING – FIRST YOU AREN’T, THEN YOU ARE, THEN YOU AREN’T AGAIN.

 

The second certainty, which I personally am even more fond of, is known as Planck’s Constant.  One reason I like it so much is that I myself, as a teenager, had a similar idea before I ever heard of Max Planck, the great German physicist. (That’s Planck, P-L-A-N-C-K for those of you who are taking notes.  Remember, there might be a test!)  My idea arose from thinking about TIME, and puzzling over this question:  We divide hours into minutes, and minutes into seconds, and so on.  So, what is the shortest possible unit of time?  How far can you go before you get down to a piece of time which is so small that nothing happens in it?  My answer was to create a unit of time which I called a TIME-ATOM, an instant in which nothing moves, so there is no change at all.  But I had no head for physics or mathematics, so I never carried this idea any further, except to imagine time as a sort of motion-picture film, in which all the images are still, and we just somehow have the illusion of things happening, in the same way that our minds are fooled into thinking that a so-called movie is really moving.  Here’s a thought about that:

 

POT-SHOT #0962   LOOK!  BEFORE OUR VERY EYES, THE FUTURE IS BECOMING THE PAST.

 

But Max Planck thought it through all the way.  If I understand his theory correctly (and admittedly that is a very big IF) Planck started with the idea that we measure time by measuring how long something takes to pass by something else.  So five minutes is what we have agreed to call the length of time it takes for the hand of a clock to go from one fixed point to another.  Well then, how long would it take for something going at the greatest possible speed to travel across the shortest possible distance?  Obviously I can’t go into the details here, but Max Planck came up with my same idea – only he didn’t call it a time-atom:  he called it a QUANTUM – and that was the beginning of Quantum Physics.  The beauty of it is that Planck’s Constant, which expresses this idea, is a definite number, which you can look up.  It’s something that never changes – that’s why it’s called a “Constant.”  It may be as close to CERTAINTY as you and I can ever come in this Universe.

 

But, speaking of the Universe, there is another number on which there seems to be a surprising amount of agreement today in the scientific community – the age of the Universe, that is, the number of years since the Big Bang.  That number is 13.7 billion years.  What I find remarkable about this figure is that it’s so small compared with all the trillions we hear being bandied about every day in connection with our national budget.  Isn’t it strange that we have to thank our representatives in Congress for making the age of the Universe seem relatively insignificant! 

 

Anyway, here are some of my own thoughts about the Universe:

 

POT-SHOT #1719   HOW WOULD THE UNIVERSE LOOK, IF WE COULD RETURN IT TO ITS ORIGINAL CONDITION?

 

POT-SHOT #2128     THEY’VE CALCULATED THE SIZE AND AGE OF THE UNIVERSE, BUT NOBODY HAS YET CALCULATED ITS BEAUTY.

 

POT-SHOT #5160      THERE ARE SO MANY STUPIDITIES ON THIS PLANET ALONE – THINK HOW MANY THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE MUST CONTAIN!

 

But then, after we have congratulated ourselves that at least some things are certain, another German physicist named Werner Heisenberg seems to  have upset the whole apple cart with his UNCERTAINTY THEORY which (again as I understand or misunderstand it) proves that you can never really be sure of anything.  But even he would probably agree that the one thing you can be most sure of is constant change.  Which brings us back to the whole reason you and I are here today.  You want to help your students succeed.  You want to help them know where they want to go, and how to get there.  And this is going to require some big changes.  I’m sure that your speaker this morning, Byron McClenny, told you how BIG some of those changes will have to be – and we should in no way hold it against him that he’s from Texas, where everything has to be big.  But I can’t resist telling you the story about the Texan and the Englishman, in which the Texan is telling the Englishman about how big Texas is, and he says “Why, in Texas you can get on a train one morning and travel the whole day, and the next day you’ll still be in Texas.”  And the Englishman says “My word!  And I thought our trains were slow!”

 

That’s a good example of cultural differences.  And maybe this is what those “Cultural Markers” are all about.  I know you get students here from vastly different backgrounds, and with a wide range of capabilities and expectations.  I know you probably get some who show up for the first day of class with all their books already purchased, and eager to get started, and others who possibly have no idea about what books they need to buy, let alone how to study them.  I know that scheduling is just one of the obstacles that make attending this or any kind of college difficult for many students, especially if they also have to work.  I know that “access” has traditionally been the big buzz-word in community colleges.  Like the Statue of Liberty, this kind of institution has always said “Bring me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to” go to college.  Here are some thoughts about ACcess and SUCcess:

 

POT-SHOT #0614    I HAD A TICKET TO THE GOOD LIFE, BUT SOMEHOW COULD NEVER FIND THE ENTRANCE.

 

POT-SHOT # 3414     I TOO COULD BE SUCCESSFUL, IF I HAD MONEY, TALENT, LUCK, CHARM, CONFIDENCE, AND PLENTY OF HELP.

 

POT-SHOT  #5144    TRYING IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, BUT WHAT’S EVEN MORE IMPORTANT IS SUCCEEDING.

 

And in order to make sense of the whole educational predicament and give it some structure, we have this wonderful system of degrees and certificates, where even a flag-man – sorry, a “flagger” can proudly produce a paper – maybe even a parchment -- of qualification.  And let’s not forget that a “Degree” comes from the word that simply means a “Step,” and every Associate’s Degree is potentially the first step towards a Bachelor’s, a Master’s, and the Degree that everyone knows means “Piled Higher and Deeper.”

 

Speaking of that, I have to tell you about my own attempt to find out what a degree really means.  The most recent one in my own collection is dated January 29, 1964, and it says that I was awarded, by the Regents of the University of California, quote, “The Degree of Doctor of Philosophy, With All the Rights and Privileges Thereto Pertaining.”  Now I am a person who takes words very seriously, especially the words on such an official document.   Naturally, I was eager to find out just what those Rights and Privileges were. Would there perhaps be some special parking places reserved for Ph.Ds?  Did we get a discount at the Campus Store?  Might we have free lifetime borrowing privileges at the University Library? 

 

Well, years went by, but nobody I ever asked about all this seemed to have a clue.  Finally, in 2003, 39 years after getting the degree, I decided that I did not want to end my days without having made a serious effort to get to the bottom of this mystery.  If anybody knew the answer, it must be the University Board of Regents who had awarded the Degree.  So I wrote a very formal letter to their Secretary, a lady named Leigh Trivette, asking “could you please tell me specifically what my rights and privileges are?”  It took 4 months before I heard back -- and you can probably guess the nature of her reply:

 

Ms Trivette wrote to me that “We conducted a search as to the origin of that language and its intent, and have been able to determine only that it is standard for University of California diplomas.  It appears to be ceremonial in nature and there have been no specific benefits attached to it.”  In other words, those high-sounding words are totally meaningless. 

 

I have published many thoughts about looking for meaning in life, such as these:

 

POT-SHOT # 1347    LIFE MAY HAVE NO MEANING, OR, EVEN WORSE, IT MAY HAVE A MEANING OF WHICH I DISAPPROVE.

 

POT-SHOT # 4567    ON RARE OCCASIONS, I FIND A LITTLE MEANING IN MY LIFE, AND WONDER HOW IT GOT THERE.

 

So although I was naturally disappointed, I was hardly surprised, to be deprived of all the rights and privileges which I had never actually had.   I haven’t seen the text of your degrees and certificates here, which your students no doubt work so hard for, and receive with such pride -- but I hope they at least don’t promise anything they can’t deliver.

 

But you as educators are not in this honored profession (and let us agree that in this country it is never honored enough) to make promises, but to deliver something substantial to your students.  Community Colleges, it might be said, are the bedrock of Higher Education.  But it’s a very fluid kind of bedrock, changing and evolving like everything else in our society, and it’s never even been sure what to call itself.  Looking back, and looking around, we find this kind of institution going under a variety of names like “Normal School,” “City College,” “County College,” and even “City University.”  The one name that had the longest and widest play was “Junior College,” but there was something about that “Junior” that made people increasingly uncomfortable, which probably also explains why what used to be called Junior High Schools are turning into “Middle Schools.”  

 

And I quite understand this because – if you can keep a secret, and promise not to tell anybody – I myself was once a Junior.  That is to say, I was actually called Junior – even though I did not have my father’s name, which was Victor.  And this “Junior,” which my mother, for reasons of her own, bestowed on me as an infant, was not just a nickname.  I hated my real names, of Ashleigh and Ellwood, so much – my parents only used them when they were angry at me – that Junior Brilliant was the only name I allowed myself to be known by, far into my adolescence.  Fortunately, at school in England, boys were known only by their surnames and first initials, so I was “J. Brilliant.”  When it became too embarrassing to explain what the J. stood for, I eventually started using the name “John,” -- but I wasn’t comfortable with that name either.  It wasn’t until my first year at the University of London that I finally came to grips with this problem.  One day, feeling that I was taking a very courageous step, I put a notice up in the Student Union saying: 

 

“The person hitherto known as John Brilliant wishes it to be known that his real name is ASHLEIGH ELLWOOD BRILLIANT, and in future he wishes to be known as such.”

 

Thus the die was cast.  I felt great relief, and a certain exaltation.  But when I came back the next day to look proudly again at my notice, I found that some diabolical wit had put quotation marks around the word “such.”

 

But at least I wasn’t Junior any more.  I’m glad to say that “Such Brilliant” never caught on -- and I can sympathize with the American Association of Junior Colleges who, in 1992, officially changed their name to the American Association of Community Colleges.

 

Anyway, whatever the name, we have still got to get our students motivated, organized, and heading in the right direction.  And I can say “we,” at least in spirit, because I was once one of you.  Yes, I was a teacher at an Oregon Community College, over on the dry side of the mountains, back in the swinging Sixties, in what was then the small town of Bend, with about 13,000 people.  In those days --  just shortly before Linn-Benton was founded, -- our problem was not so much getting students to finish, as it was getting them to start.  The College, which actually began its existence without any “Junior” or “Community” in its name but just called itself Central Oregon College, was just starting, on a new campus, which was still being built.  When I got there, in 1964, it didn’t yet have a proper library, a cafeteria, or even any paved paths.  I too was making a new start.  I was fresh out of Berkeley, full of idealistic thoughts about bringing Higher Education and culture (not Cultural Markers) to that wilderness.  

 

You may have heard about what happened to me there.  If not, you can read about it in the official history of what is now Central Oregon Community College, a book by Frank Fiedler called “Blazing A Trail,” where you’ll find a double-page spread headed “THE BRILLIANT AFFAIR.” Or, next time you’re in Bend, you can go to the College library (a very good one now) which, among its special collections, has a whole section devoted to that so-called Brilliant Affair.  What was it all about?  Well, although I was a Professor of History, in my bright-eyed eagerness, I made the mistake of starting a poetry group which held weekly evening meetings on campus.  This was with the full approval of the College administration – but that approval rapidly dissolved, in view of some of the works which I naively chose to present, particularly that now-world-famous poem by Allen Ginsberg called “HOWL,” which, after its publication just a few years earlier, had been cleared by a court in San Francisco of all charges of obscenity.

 

One thing led to another, and I found myself at the center of a state-wide controversy, one of whose more fantastic moments saw the entire faculty of the English department at the University in Eugene standing on the steps outside their building and performing a public reading of “HOWL.”  But neither that kind of support nor a formal attempt at intervention by the American Civil Liberties Union could save my job, and I left at the end of that school year in disgrace. I’m happy to tell you, however, that only 37 years later, I was invited back to speak at that College in Bend, and I was received with honor.

 

So things do change.  Times change.  People change. And education certainly changes.  In the first conversation I ever had with your Dean Ann Malosh, she said – and I hope she won’t mind me quoting her exact words – “I love change.”  If I may say so, I think you’re very lucky to be led by someone with such a positive outlook.  One of the biggest changes we’ve all seen in education is of course in relation to TECHNOLOGY.  That “Completion Agenda Task Force” document which has been flung at you is full of words and expressions like “electronic advising records,” “computerized placement tests,” “videos,” “websites,” and “blogs,” none of which would have made any sense to your predecessors just a few years ago.  Yet those of us who survive all these changes somehow do adjust to them. 

 

And let’s face it:  there are brutal changes which we all accept virtually without a whimper.  As just a single example, one of the biggest changes we all sheepishly go along with, twice a year, is a very basic and intrusive one – the change in our measurement of time.  Where does that hour go every year when we lose it?  How do we manage to fit it in when it comes back?  I personally always find this form of compulsory jet lag very hard to adjust to.  But we should note that people in earlier times were not so docile.  Back in 1752, when the British Parliament finally decided to accept the Gregorian Calendar, which had actually been in use in other countries since the 1580’s, they decreed that, in order to make the change-over, the day following September 2nd in that year would not be September 3rd, but it would be September 14th.  People couldn’t understand what had happened, and believe it or not, there were riots in which people were killed, with mobs chanting “GIVE US BACK OUR ELEVEN DAYS!”

 

That never happens any more.  And we never have mobs – not even mobs organized on the Internet – crying “Give us back our dial telephones, our propeller planes, our carbon paper, and our typewriters.”  Things are different now, and supposedly better.  But speaking of typewriters, I have to tell you that one of the most valuable things I ever learned in any school was in a Community College.  It was in 1957, when I was in my twenties, and I took an evening class at Chaffey College in Ontario, California, in typing, an essential skill which had been sadly neglected in my British schooling.  The class was large, but the teacher was very good.  I don’t even remember his name, but I bless him to this day, especially because, when personal computers came along, about 20 years later, one thing they didn’t change was that old familiar QWERTY keyboard!

 

POT-SHOT # 6142       DON’T EXPECT BREVITY, IF THE WRITER IS GETTING PAID BY THE WORD.

 

The fact is that some things always seem to be changing too much, while others are not changing enough.  And if I may quote Dean Malosh again, “too often, change is done TO people and not WITH them.” But I ask you to remember the story of Bill Hogan’s goat, who coughed up those red shirts, and flagged that train.  When the Monster of Change seems to be bearing down on you, like that approaching train, you too, like Hogan’s goat, may have the answer inside yourself.  It may be that all you have to do is cough it up.

 

POT-SHOT  #3775     DON’T DESPAIR – HELP MAY BE COMING FROM AN UNEXPECTED SOURCE, SOMEWHERE WITHIN YOU.

 

I know that President Hamann and Dean Malosh, and all of you, want the next chapter in your professional lives to be one in which you all change happily together, to create in your Division, and in Linn-Benton as a whole, an atmosphere in which students really want to succeed, and really do succeed, so that you can say to them (and to yourselves):

 

POT-SHOT # 1000      CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR REMARKABLE ACHIEVEMENT!  WE ALL KNEW YOU COULD DO IT – AND NOW YOU KNOW TOO!

 

I suppose I really should end on that inspiring note, but I can’t resist this opportunity to put my own personal mark of completion on these proceedings by finishing with what has in a way become my own theme song.  It goes back to the 1960’s, when I found myself playing the role of a sort of mock hippie guru in San Francisco.  That too was a time and place of big changes.  Masses of young people were coming to San Francisco from all over the country, dropping out of society to sit quietly in Golden Gate Park, take drugs, and be part of the Hippie scene. But at the same time there were other young people who were going in the opposite direction. They felt socially committed, and many were leaving the Hippie scene to protest against the Vietnam war, or going to the South to get involved in the Civil Rights movement.

 

 

My song was about those diverging cultural streams.  I made it the last number in the song-book I published during that famous “Summer of Love,” and I called it "The Haight-Ashbury Farewell."  It will be my final word to you today about the things that change in our lives, and the things that ought to stay the same. I'm sure you'll know the tune --"Red River Valley" -- so feel free to join in the chorus.

 

From this City they say you are going
I am sorry you feel you must flee
But remember your friends who were hippies
And stayed in the Haight-Ashbury.

Chorus: So come sit in the park one more hour
It was here you first opened your mind
And in friendship I'll give you a flower
To remind you of love left behind.

Oh I hear you've been talking of Justice
Of improving the world and all men,
But I tell you, that road is a circle
Leading back to yourself once again.

If you love this old world and wish truly
To improve it before you are dead
You don't have to press others unduly -
Better start with the world in your head. ##

 

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